A Crack in the Ice

[Katarya Frost]

"Why do you do what you do?"

Katarya glanced over at Helo, his fingers tracing lines over breasts as they lay next to each other in her bed. Their love making had had the passion and vigour of youth, but Katarya, though reaching her climax, had lay for some time, staring at the ceiling. At the question though, she stirred. "That's remarkably vague. Care to be specific?" She said, with a slight smile.

Helo propped himself up with his elbow and looked at her. "You've used your magic on me." He said, simply.

Katarya blinked. "I ... I have no idea ..."

The Changeling laughed. "I was born and raised in a city full of magic. I know the feeling when it has been used one me; for healing, for help hunting ... I know, Katarya." He glanced down, shrugging. "I'd like to know what you did, is all. Isn't that an acceptable question to ask? Under the circumstances, I mean?"

Kat looked at him for a moment, then let her head fall back on the pillow, closing her eyes as she spoke. "You have an enchantment on you. She said, slowly. "You ... you'll be forced to whatever I ask. That's the spell."

Helo gave a short laugh. "Good choice!" He said, that ever present boyish grin on his face. "But you might have picked a better subject! I am a Changeling with no money, no contacts, and can only take one form." He moved his hand to her jaw and moved it so their eyes met. "Why do you do what you do?" He repeated.

Kat put her hand to his cheek. It felt so warm! And she knew it was because her skin was cold ...

Swinging her legs out of bed, she rose and put on a gown. She took a seat at her desk and reached out for the wine. her hand stayed still for a moment, then she pulled it away. No wine. Not now.

"I've made a great many mistakes, Helo." She said, in a tone she herself had not heard come from her lips before.

Helo moved to a sitting position. "Haven't we all?" He shrugged.

Kat gave a humourless laugh. "You're sweet, but you have no idea."

"So tell me." He said, resting his head against the wall.

Katarya looked at him for a few seconds, took a deep breath and then shrugged. "Very well. Who can I tell if not the man who is magically bound to never betray me?"

Helo grinned, as if it was nothing.

Kat was a little unnerved, but carried on. "I lost everything. Everyone I ever loved. And when I could no longer call myself a member of the middle class: a woman of respectable standing, well ... let's just say no one among those people came out to help me. I was not popular; I never sought it. I was taught to hide who I was and to keep people at a safe distance. She took a long breath. "And I lived up to that ... by Ny'tha I became so -

"Cold?" Helo interrupted, raising a questioning brow.

Kat took a breath, then nodded. "Cold." She agreed, sighing. "I had a lover ... his name was Artemis. I even had a man who I was so fond of; an Elf, named Dáire. They were the most important people in my life ... and I hurt them."

Helo sat forward. "This may seem like an obvious question, but ... why?"

Kat ran a ringer along her brow and smiled, though it did not reach her eyes. "Because good things go away. And to protect yourself, sometimes you find yourself pushing them away, even when everything inch of you is screaming at you not to do what you are going to do, or are doing ... I hurt people, Helo. It won't be long until I will no longer be a part of this place. Through my own actions I will cast adrift, and ... I deserve no less." This time, she did reach for the bottle.

Helo nodded. "I have to say, I didn't think someone like you would be the .. er ... 'self-pitying' kind."

Kat stopped pouring and turned her gaze to the Shifter. "I beg your pardon?" She said, in a low tone.

Helo burst out laughing. "There we go! See how your pride is so precious and fragile that even a comment from someone as lowly as I can turn you to ice? You can't let go of it." He sat back, crossing his arms. "Perhaps all you have left is your pride, and you cling to it like a drowning sailor to a plank of wood."

Kat took a breath and finished pouring her wine. She motioned to a cup, but when Helo shook his head, she set the bottle down. "You're younger than me."

"Very observational." Helo grinned.

Kat ignored the quip. "But you may be right. There is a very, very good chance that I will die because of my pride. It's all I have left. What else can I take with me when I killed by a dagger in the back from one of the members of the Goose, House Nyshasa, or even here? I am cold because if I weren't ... I would break."

For a moment, she felt a tingling, and her vision blurred. She rubbed her head as Helo sat forward and took her hand.

"Your eyes .." He whispered.

Running a hand over her brow, she shook her head and sighed. "What about them?" She asked, irritably.

"They turned brown. Just for a moment, but they did." He looked concerned.

Kat patted his hand, then removed hers from his. "Maybe there is a trace of what I once was, underneath the thing I have become?" But to be perfectly honest, I am in so deep that I have no idea how to make it up to the people I have hurt. I wouldn't even know where to begin." She sighed, took a drink of her wine and turned to him. "I'll break the spell I put on you. I'm sorry I -"

"Don't." Helo shrugged, sitting back. "Leave it."

Kat's brow furrowed as she looked at him. "Why?" She asked, incredulously.

Helo laughed. His handsome face a picture of joyous teasing. "Let's see where it takes us! It might even be fun! Being a thrall to a witch! They might even make a tale out of this one day!"

Kat did not laugh, but shook her head. "Your frivolity is unnerving, Helo." She said.

The Changeling nodded. "And if people really knew how you felt and why you do the things you do; they might say exactly the same. Perhaps you should start off by trying to make amends? Just a suggestion."

Kat rolled her eyes. "Oh Helo! If it were only that easy! The things I have done ..."

"Is it better to do nothing than try and do something? If it's rejected, then you can always know you tried."

Kat looked into her cup for a while, a silence settling over the room. At last she took a long, deep breath. "I made a mistake bringing you into my life."

Laughing, the handsome young Changeling jumped from the bed and pulled on his breeches. He lent over and kissed her cheek, ignoring the desire to take her back to bed. "From what you have told me; I might be the best mistake you ever made, Katarya Frost of Fellsguard." He gave her a bow"Sweet dreams, enchantress." And without waiting for a reply, grabbed his shirt and left the room.

Kat sat at her desk for a long time, pondering the conversation. She had admitted, as last, that in the stories of her relationships, friends or lovers, she was the villain. She had finally accepted it. Now she had to figure out how to do something about it, and whether that would end with her dead in a gutter or not.