open | The Best Laid Plans
Posted: July 13th, 2019, 3:17 pm
In the wee hours of the morning she had convinced herself that uncertainty was the curse of lesser men and women than her, and that to hesitate when it was time to open the door would signify a sort of weakness that would be decidedly unflattering to her sense of ego. Slaine was not a coward, nor was she accustomed to the concept of fear. She had read of it, of course - fear was a great emotion and motivated living beings to commit tremendous acts and often seemed contagious. She had sat up late at night with her father reading thrillers printed in paperbacks, enjoying the prickle of irrational anxiety when a curtain fluttered unexpectedly or her mind began to misinterpret the shadows as home invaders.
No, Slaine did not not know fear. Even when Nigel drew his last rattling breaths she had not been afraid for him, or for her. He would expire, the body would be moved, Nigel's remains would be interred per his wishes in his will (no stone), the room cleaned and, well, her... She had meant to set out the next day, or even the next week, but she had found excuses to linger about the gilded cage that her father had poured his efforts into creating. A project of weaving subtle charms of preservation she'd purchased from the paperback seller's special stock (sort of like that decoder ring you buy from the back of comic books! but, like, illegal) had gone awry and required a bit more tinkering than she had initially intended, which of course meant study - years of it, maybe even decades to put right mistakes and to prepare the little home they once shared in the southern reaches of Fellsgard for abandonment. Perfect and orderly, she had hoped it might stay like this, a familiar cage in the event that her father's spirit proved restless, and perhaps in a way she hoped that it might make up for what she meant to do in his absence.
Freedom was sweet - she had read accounts of flight both literal and literary and decided that it was perfect analog. When she wanted sweet dreams, she would pray for dreams of flight, sometimes leaving her window open and hoping for wind. Never had she experienced it, however. In fact, once it came down to it, right down to the hour, she found that freedom was actually quite upsetting in a way that she could not at first understand. It made her angry, short in ways she could not understand as the impending deadline of her departure drew closer - she had dallied long enough and meant to stick to the schedule, having read once that successful people aspiring to be like Cecilia wrote lists and had things like plans and goals - the stuff that someone that had taken the better part of a century to actually fledge the nest didn't find entirely relatable. To her, there was no rush - she didn't wake up one day at thirty to see crows feet or a permanent fissure in her brow from that chronic scowl of concentration she wore while reading or working. Ageless since her early twenties, she had found ways to excuse her lack of initiative, but now some twenty or so years after her father's death there were no more excuses she could tolerate, forcing herself to engage with the unknown.
The unknown was sort of like a wild animal on the other side of the door, fascinating and lovely but in Slaine's mind she quite imagined that it would not hesitate to kill her, or at the very least give her a good maiming. The unknown had kept her up all night and left her jittery, dominating her thoughts when she stopped focusing on any one particular task. Now having stood in front of the door with the trappings of what she thought it meant to live a life on the road for what felt like ages (fifteen minutes, give or take), the unknown made her regret her admiration of the heroic inventor. Had Cecilia hesitated? The book said no, but Cecilia had also been accompanied by an entourage. While Slaine wasn't worried about her safety (she had her trusty stick - what more did she need? She had read all the self-defense manuals and Nigel had even taught her how to use a quarterstaff to some degree in her youth) she did feel that perhaps the now-Idol had perhaps had a bit more external support when approaching the unknown. Wild animals didn't like to attack groups, she'd once read.
Balling her fists, she drew a deep breath and looked back at her home, dim sunlight filtering in through pale blue curtains, illuminating the clutter of decades worth of hobbies and subjects of study that lined the walls and shelves, piled on flat surfaces. She had taken the best of them with her, and the rest she had condensed her notes and memorized what she could. For the tiny woman it was literally a labor of love that she hauled what must have been quite a heavy satchel with only the basics of what she needed to make due and even then she was still carrying too much. She did not think of this, however - there were no mirrors in the main hall of their home and even then she wasn't certain what a real adventurer even looked like. Ridiculous as she might have appeared to literally anyone that had traveled further than the city limits, she convinced herself that she was ready and turned from her home, bundling herself out the door noisily looking like a vagrant squatter emerging from their squat little home nestled among the rest.
They had no yard, no plants to overgrow and she had not let the maintenance of the home lapse since her father's death, but few on the street had seen the practically ageless girl in decades and perhaps had imagined the house to be abandoned or maintained as an estate remotely somehow, so coming out all awkwardly bulky satchels and other general eccentricities might have in fact proven quite startling to her neighbors, though she seemed not to notice, fixing a wide-brimmed hat upon her head to shade her pale face from the sun before closing the door behind her, locking it one last time before hanging the key on her belt.
Ready for anything, she headed out into the city, first for the markets as any discerning adventurer might, seeking food and last minute supplies. She had not been to the markets in what felt like ages - the good old innovative spirit had made it easy for her to become a shut-in for the most part, as had Nigel's mysterious wealth meant to give her a good and long life, though that was running low. Evidently Nigel hadn't expected his runty, sickly, human adopted daughter to live much past her first century if she even made it there at all. In a few decades a lot had changed - Fellsgard had grown up and developed around her as she'd seen from her windows, though she hadn't found the time to properly explore. Finding herself lost and unfamiliar with the landmarks in her own city Slaine began to recognize fear now, the icy cold grip of uncertainty that had wrapped around her guts.
Maybe she was close to the markets, maybe she had gone the direct opposite way - however it happened, the more Slaine walked the more Slaine realized that she was lost. Uncertain where her home was after taking what she imagined to be several wrong turns, she stopped to kneel, brushing her hair back out of her face as she shouldered her pack to the ground with a faint rattle of stuff, digging out a green leather book. Squeezing the satchel between her knees protectively as she crouched, the girl poured over her notes, flicking back to an index written into the front and the numbers written in the margins of each page, her page flipping becoming increasingly frantic as the realization that she had never thought to look at a map of her own city. Everywhere else? Sure, if she could find it! Fellsgrad? I was born here, why would I need a map? "Because I'm fucking lost," she moaned, clutching a palm to her forehead beneath the brim of her hat. "Oh noooo."
No, Slaine did not not know fear. Even when Nigel drew his last rattling breaths she had not been afraid for him, or for her. He would expire, the body would be moved, Nigel's remains would be interred per his wishes in his will (no stone), the room cleaned and, well, her... She had meant to set out the next day, or even the next week, but she had found excuses to linger about the gilded cage that her father had poured his efforts into creating. A project of weaving subtle charms of preservation she'd purchased from the paperback seller's special stock (sort of like that decoder ring you buy from the back of comic books! but, like, illegal) had gone awry and required a bit more tinkering than she had initially intended, which of course meant study - years of it, maybe even decades to put right mistakes and to prepare the little home they once shared in the southern reaches of Fellsgard for abandonment. Perfect and orderly, she had hoped it might stay like this, a familiar cage in the event that her father's spirit proved restless, and perhaps in a way she hoped that it might make up for what she meant to do in his absence.
Freedom was sweet - she had read accounts of flight both literal and literary and decided that it was perfect analog. When she wanted sweet dreams, she would pray for dreams of flight, sometimes leaving her window open and hoping for wind. Never had she experienced it, however. In fact, once it came down to it, right down to the hour, she found that freedom was actually quite upsetting in a way that she could not at first understand. It made her angry, short in ways she could not understand as the impending deadline of her departure drew closer - she had dallied long enough and meant to stick to the schedule, having read once that successful people aspiring to be like Cecilia wrote lists and had things like plans and goals - the stuff that someone that had taken the better part of a century to actually fledge the nest didn't find entirely relatable. To her, there was no rush - she didn't wake up one day at thirty to see crows feet or a permanent fissure in her brow from that chronic scowl of concentration she wore while reading or working. Ageless since her early twenties, she had found ways to excuse her lack of initiative, but now some twenty or so years after her father's death there were no more excuses she could tolerate, forcing herself to engage with the unknown.
The unknown was sort of like a wild animal on the other side of the door, fascinating and lovely but in Slaine's mind she quite imagined that it would not hesitate to kill her, or at the very least give her a good maiming. The unknown had kept her up all night and left her jittery, dominating her thoughts when she stopped focusing on any one particular task. Now having stood in front of the door with the trappings of what she thought it meant to live a life on the road for what felt like ages (fifteen minutes, give or take), the unknown made her regret her admiration of the heroic inventor. Had Cecilia hesitated? The book said no, but Cecilia had also been accompanied by an entourage. While Slaine wasn't worried about her safety (she had her trusty stick - what more did she need? She had read all the self-defense manuals and Nigel had even taught her how to use a quarterstaff to some degree in her youth) she did feel that perhaps the now-Idol had perhaps had a bit more external support when approaching the unknown. Wild animals didn't like to attack groups, she'd once read.
Balling her fists, she drew a deep breath and looked back at her home, dim sunlight filtering in through pale blue curtains, illuminating the clutter of decades worth of hobbies and subjects of study that lined the walls and shelves, piled on flat surfaces. She had taken the best of them with her, and the rest she had condensed her notes and memorized what she could. For the tiny woman it was literally a labor of love that she hauled what must have been quite a heavy satchel with only the basics of what she needed to make due and even then she was still carrying too much. She did not think of this, however - there were no mirrors in the main hall of their home and even then she wasn't certain what a real adventurer even looked like. Ridiculous as she might have appeared to literally anyone that had traveled further than the city limits, she convinced herself that she was ready and turned from her home, bundling herself out the door noisily looking like a vagrant squatter emerging from their squat little home nestled among the rest.
They had no yard, no plants to overgrow and she had not let the maintenance of the home lapse since her father's death, but few on the street had seen the practically ageless girl in decades and perhaps had imagined the house to be abandoned or maintained as an estate remotely somehow, so coming out all awkwardly bulky satchels and other general eccentricities might have in fact proven quite startling to her neighbors, though she seemed not to notice, fixing a wide-brimmed hat upon her head to shade her pale face from the sun before closing the door behind her, locking it one last time before hanging the key on her belt.
Ready for anything, she headed out into the city, first for the markets as any discerning adventurer might, seeking food and last minute supplies. She had not been to the markets in what felt like ages - the good old innovative spirit had made it easy for her to become a shut-in for the most part, as had Nigel's mysterious wealth meant to give her a good and long life, though that was running low. Evidently Nigel hadn't expected his runty, sickly, human adopted daughter to live much past her first century if she even made it there at all. In a few decades a lot had changed - Fellsgard had grown up and developed around her as she'd seen from her windows, though she hadn't found the time to properly explore. Finding herself lost and unfamiliar with the landmarks in her own city Slaine began to recognize fear now, the icy cold grip of uncertainty that had wrapped around her guts.
Maybe she was close to the markets, maybe she had gone the direct opposite way - however it happened, the more Slaine walked the more Slaine realized that she was lost. Uncertain where her home was after taking what she imagined to be several wrong turns, she stopped to kneel, brushing her hair back out of her face as she shouldered her pack to the ground with a faint rattle of stuff, digging out a green leather book. Squeezing the satchel between her knees protectively as she crouched, the girl poured over her notes, flicking back to an index written into the front and the numbers written in the margins of each page, her page flipping becoming increasingly frantic as the realization that she had never thought to look at a map of her own city. Everywhere else? Sure, if she could find it! Fellsgrad? I was born here, why would I need a map? "Because I'm fucking lost," she moaned, clutching a palm to her forehead beneath the brim of her hat. "Oh noooo."